An Irresistible Sea
by QueXseraXsera
Summary: Postwar. Katara and Zuko feel that something is missing during peacetime, and that emptiness pushes them to wakefulness at odd hours. Can they create their own ending in the midst of what was supposed to be their happily-ever after? Zutara.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Because I had to get a quote to match an ocean painting in art and this came up:

"The irresistible sea is to separate us,  
As for an hour carrying us diverse, yet cannot carry us diverse forever;  
Be not impatient-a little space-know you I salute the air, the  
ocean and the land,  
Every day at sundown for your dear sake my love" –_Out of the Rolling Ocean the Crowd _by Walt Whitman.

Soundtrack for this chapter (because I love this song so much even though it doesn't relate to the chapter at all): "Friday I'm in Love" by the Cure. And just btw, I haven't watched Avatar in forever, so I cannot be held responsible for any OOC-ness or canon deviations that may occur (except for Zutara, but that is practically fandom canon anyway :D).

**Chapter 1**

Zuko couldn't sleep. It was the restless, tossing and turning haze that he knew he only succumbed to when he was immensely worried. Only he wasn't. Aang had defeated Ozai just a week ago and the world finally knew peace. _So what was missing?_ He asked himself, _Is it that everything is too perfect?_ After all, he was rarely lucky to actually be on the winning side for once. Not to mention he was the symbol of a whole new regime of Fire Nation rulers, the ones who didn't want to conquer everyone. So now he had luck and popularity on his side; two things he had always wanted, things he had unknowingly sought after all his life. Zuko put his head in his hands. Obviously he wasn't going to be getting to sleep anytime soon. With a harsh exhale, Zuko got up and quietly snuck out the door so he wouldn't wake Mai.

Katara stared up at the moon as she had been for what seemed like hours. _How_, she wondered _can someone be kept up by their own mind?_ Thoughts rolled around in her head like marbles, each one bouncing off each other and clanking for attention. She sighed, clearly hours of thinking said annoying thoughts and waiting this period of restlessness out wasn't working. It was time for action. Waterbending was sure to calm her nerves. After all, literally making waves was a peaceful action and was certainly better than staring at practically nothing. Now, the only problem was finding a water source. As she was staying in the one of the many guest rooms in the Fire Lord's palace (who, she had trouble believing, was Zuko now not Ozai). _Surely they would have a pool or something_? Katara thought while roaming the dark hallways, searching for a courtyard, the most likely location of said pool. Being in the summer, it was much too hot for any sort of jacket. Finally Katara walked out an archway to an outside courtyard where the thick humidity hit her like heat from an oven. She spied a pond right in the middle, not quite a pool, but close enough. She stepped into it and the water was refreshingly cool. For a while, she amused herself by listening to the sounds of the crickets chirping merrily in the background and the rustling of leaves. Once she had made waves ripple across the pond close to one hundred million times, she decided it was time to get back to sleep. She knew she would regret this time in the morning, where being the Avatar's waterbending made the people treat her somewhat like a cross between a visiting diplomat and a celebrity. She tried to retrace her steps; everything seemed to have rearrange itself in the dark. She ended up walking in circles, going down hallways only to meet the courtyard again. Finally she sighed and really looked at the place she was in. It _was_ a beautiful place to be stuck in, clearly there was a garden along with the small pond. Katara was sure it looked almost as beautiful in daylight as it did now, illuminated by the light of the full moon. Katara tore herself away from her admiration of the courtyard; she had to focus on finding her way and ended up bumping into something that was most definitely not a wall. Quickly, she bent a small amount of water into the beginnings of a water whip.

"Show yourself!" she said, her voice still charged with the fear of battle.

"It's me," Zuko said illuminating his face with a palm full of fire.

"Oh," Katara said, surprised. Now that he had moved out of the shadows she could see him. He was in pants…and nothing else. She had never really looked at Zuko shirtless; obviously it wasn't as if he pranced around without one all the time. He only really neglected to put on a shirt while bending and between the whole saving the world thing and hating Zuko's guts she had never really looked at him as…well a girl would look at a guy. But, to her dismay, she was now…and Zuko was, well, really muscular. In a way that would be incredibly handsome if she hadn't been chased around the world by him and fought alongside him on numerous occasions. She knew him too well to be fazed by this sort of thing.

"This is your time isn't it?" he said. It sounded like an attempt at a joke, but Katara was just confused. "You know you rise with the moon?"

"Oh, yes, right." Katara had yet to say an intelligent sentence and this irked her. So she added "Well, you know, I have to sleep." As an attempt to prove her brainpower it failed miserably, but at least it was more than three words. Somehow, even with his shirt on, Zuko made Katara feel decidedly awkward. What are you supposed to say to someone who saved your life? Plus, he never actually said much to her. In fact, Katara believed that this sentence was the most they'd spoken to each other since seeking out the Southern Raiders. Case in point, Zuko didn't respond to her rather generic statement, even with a "good night", he just stepped aside to let her pass. It increased Katara's awkwardness. What was she supposed to do with so much silence. "Okay, so see you tomorrow. I mean, well it's probably already tomorrow, so today. Sleep well. I probably won't, but whatever. I think too much. Good night." Katara rushed off before more meaningless chatter could tumble forth from her lips. _Maybe Zuko has the right idea_, she mused _Silence definitely pays off_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**A/N: ** I was feeling so avatard-ed for the LONGEST time. So what better way to get it out of my system then writing? I totally need a new fandom to obsess over… DISCLAIMER: I was in the WORST writing mood ever, so this chapter may be kind of screwy. Feedback is appreciated even if it's only to correct my grammar. I love editing! In all honesty, I'm probably going to expand on this because it's so hard to establish their relationship in just two chapters. So this probably will be more than a two-shot. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

...

Zuko was dreaming. He was back at the start of his journey. When he and his Uncle had just decided to trust the people of the Earth Kingdom. At first the events played out like they had in real life. Song brought them to her house. He sat outside—silent and distant, as usual, and Song just talked. Then she showed him her scar.

"I'm sorry," his dream self said softly and with a maturity he hadn't possessed at the time.

"It's okay," Song replied mildly. "It's not your fault. You're a victim, too, remember? The fire nation just swallows everything in their path."  
"I should know," he spoke as though even the words were reluctant to come out of his mouth. "I was part of it."  
"You lived in the Fire Nation?" Song was shocked with the truth. He sighed wondering if he should stop there. However, the lies were pressing in on him, a deep suffocating weight. He had to get rid of them. He gave Song a grim smile, savoring, just a little, all the kindness she and her family had shown him. She smiled back, uncertain.

"I was the prince of the Fire Nation, actually," he said quietly. His insides were squirming with honesty and he tried to say everything as fast as possible. He had to get out everything before she turned him over to the authorities or killed him. Or worse. "My father banished me. So I have no excuse." Song didn't get yell at him or run to her mother in fear, however. She just stared at him, as though trying to contemplate him. It was as this point that he began to understand that this was a dream—that it must have been because no person could be this calm when hearing of his darkness, of the guilt he had to bear.

"Maybe," she said after a while, after he thought no words would come. "You were sent away because you did have an excuse. Fire is a hard element to control. Especially when it is inside you."

"I don't think I can't control it. Even now," he said and he didn't know why he was telling her this. Normally he said all too little.

"I think you can," she whispered, calm and even in the face of turmoil. The conversation paused and in the silence Zuko tallied up how much he truly owed her. His debt was huge. She had given him and his uncle food, saved Iroh from dying, and was able to understand him—if only for a small space of time.

"I'm sorry," he said again and this time it was not the old Zuko saying this. It was the one who knew what would happen next, the stealing, and the continuance of more lies. "You gave me so much and I never said thank you properly. I stole your horse, and lied, and so much worse than that." He looked earnestly at her throughout his confession, his eyes desperately craving forgiveness.

"You don't have to say that," she said, brushing away his apology like an irritating technicality. "I knew you were sorry the moment you came here."

"I know," said Zuko in that serious, over earnest voice that only the rawness of real truth can give. "But I didn't." Song looked at him, directly in the eyes, and gave him a small smile, as though he had finally got it, as though this was meant to happen all along. And then he woke up.

The real world came back to Zuko in a dizzying rush. He had to check each aspect of his person to find out where and when he was. Sheets, bed, fire nation emblem. He must be home. After a couple of blinks he ascertained it was the present—reviewing the basic facts in his mind; it was after the war, he was Fire Lord now, and he had a ton of meetings in the morning so he had better get back to sleep. As it usually was when immediately necessary, sleep was impossible. He ran his fingers through his hair. He was going to go for a walk.

Katara stared out and away. This was becoming an unsightly habit, staying up until dawn. The sun seemed to crack at the horizon lines the yellow egg yolk of sunlight smearing the horizon with gold and pink. But now that morning had come she had to shuffle back to bed, if only to keep up appearances. Now, the restlessness that the night seemed to rouse in her faded away with the sun. The fight against sleep had drained away and in its place was only a dull exhaustion. Katara chanced one look over the sleeping town from the balcony. Once she hardly would have been exhausted, fueled on the sheer hope that a rag-tag team of kids could save the world. And they did. It was the happily-ever-after part that troubled her. Slowly she marched toward her room; even as tired as she was sleep was hardly a welcome suggestion. She glanced down, refusing the luxury and comfort the hallway offered. And into her vision a pair of booted feet strode in. Katara flicked her eyes up to have them alight on Zuko.

"It's nearly dawn," she stated, knowing full well it was obvious. "Don't you have a kingdom to run?" Now _there_ was the speech she had longed for. Though she was still stumbling over her words, tiredness rather than awkwardness was now the culprit. He did have a shirt on this time, however. How silly to get nervous over such a small aspect of appearance, especially Zuko's appearance. He had Mai after all.

"Ah, there's the reason I was looking for not to stay up all night," he said with a wry smile. This was certainly true. The dream had come only after hours of staying awake, walking around the castle, and finally laying in bed urging himself to close his eyes. "Too late now, I guess."

"This seems to be a pattern," Katara mused, with an exaggerated gesture of tapping her chin with her finger. "Hmm…maybe you have insomnia."

"Hey, you're one to talk," Zuko replied wagging his finger at her. The gesture fell flat and they both laughed awkwardly.

"So…how's being Fire Lord?" Katara offered as a new diversion. She had only really ever seen him at peace meetings. She had assumed he was as busy with his new life as she had hers. Katara never would have expected him to have enough time even to stay up late. In response Zuko made a muffled noise of distaste.

"Ask me again once I'm done with the paperwork. And the assassination attempts."

"Oh," she said. She hadn't expected him to overtly enjoy the mess that came with beginning a new peaceful era, but…She hadn't expected him to be so forthright about it. This was the first semblance to a heart-to-heart they'd had since the whole revenge against her mother's killer incident. "That sucks."

"It really doesn't. I don't have anything to complain about."

"There's always things to complain about," Katara said with half her usual cheer. They both smiled at the attempt and then stopped as the conversation petered into silence.

"The truth is," Katara said starting again. "Things have been strange ever since the war ended. It's been really good but…" Here she trailed off, not wanting to jinx their good fortune by belittling it. She had worked years to get up to the peace that they had now. Why was it so hard to be satisfied with the result?  
"Not as good as you thought," Zuko finished. "That happens to me a lot."

"So what do you do?" Katara asked looking up at Zuko. He, at least, had been here before

"Wait," he said with a shrug. "Usually something will come along and hit you in the head. Normally your path is obvious to everyone, but you."

"Well…" Katara paused here. "What can you tell of my path?"

"Oh no," Zuko held up his hands. "I'm hardly one to know anyone's destiny."

"Maybe that was for lack of trying," she said teasingly. "I bet you were too busy tracking Aang to do anything else."  
"Hey you guys didn't cover your tracks as well as you thought," he said, just as teasingly back. Then he trailed off into seriousness. "Although I did have a lot of time for thinking on that ship." It had been hard for him, very hard, to surrender the only thing that had kept him going for years.

"It must have been hard," Katara said, staring up at him with unabashed sympathy.

"The war was hard on everyone," Zuko said noncommittally. He didn't want to get into this with her, not now. It was too close for comfort.

"We're still fixing things," she said quietly. "The war changed us all, and only now to we have the space to figure out what we're going to become. That's how I see it anyway."  
"What was it like being on the good side?" he asked suddenly deviating from the subject.

"Oh," she said, looking taken aback, more than she should have. "We weren't always good."  
"What do you mean?"  
"A lot of those soldiers were just doing their jobs. They had families, and homes just like we did. It's hard to think of the losses on both sides, sometimes."

"But you did help a lot of people," he said looking at her trepidation to accept his praise. "Even you can see that."

"Yes, I did like that," she said with a small smile. "I think I'd be more help as I was, just playing the painted lady only this time I wouldn't have to wear a costume. I'd just be me."  
"That was you?" said Zuko surprised. "I heard the guards muttering about how some of their factory had been destroyed by a spirit who later turned out to be a human girl."

"Yeah," Katara replired with a grin. "That was fun. I destroyed Sokka's schedule and gave a village hope." At that last word they exchanged glances, thinking of the Ember Island Players' rendition of Katara. _It just gave me so much hope! _

"Not like that," Katara clarified.

"I figured," Zuko said with his lips curving up in a gesture that was almost a smile. "That seems so long ago doesn't it?" Katara nodded in response, knowing he referred to their short, painful brush with the Ember Island Players.

"Everything has changed so much," Katara said, in awe of their circumstances. "I always hoped this would happen, but now that it has…I don't know what to do."

"Yeah," said Zuko awkwardly backing away from both her words and the impending heart-to-heart chat. "Yeah well, I have to sleep. Morning meetings and all that." He turned away, but Katara's next words stopped him in his tracks.

"It's weird is all. Everything is fine, I know it is, but… now that the war is over there's really nothing for me to do. I know I can always find something, but what I mean is, I'm not sure if this is what I really want to do. I guess I'll work it out. Yeah, I'll be fine. Good night."  
"You'll figure it out," said Zuko turning towards Katara. "I know you will."

"Thanks," she said, grateful for his confidence in her confusion. They both separated, walking in different directions down different hallways towards different rooms. In the morning Zuko woke up with a heavy mind from dreams he couldn't remember and a sour aftertaste in his mouth. Vaguely he remembered the night time conversation. It gave him the peace of mind to drag himself out of bed, if only to stand up so he could think more clearly about what they had talked about.


End file.
